Yet again, I was reading for my Spec Mind paper. At the end of one of the books I'm using (The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns) is a Franciscan benediction. And I love it. I'm not a huge liturgy person at all, but there are times that I definitely appreciate it and God really uses it to speak to me. This is my prayer for all of you and for me.
May God bless you with a restless discomfort
about easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.
May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression,
and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for
justice, freedom, and peace among all people.
May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer
from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you
may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.
May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that
you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able,
with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.
And the blessings of God the Supreme Majesty and our Creator,
Jesus Christ the Incarnate Word Who is our Brother and Savior,
and the Holy Spirit, our Advocate and Guide, be with you
and remain with you, this day and forevermore. Amen.
I do believe this will be printed out and put on my wall forever. Also, go listen to Set the World on Fire by Britt Nicole. That will always be one of my favorite songs.
But don't just read and listen. Follow it up with action. GO. whether it's across the world, across the street, or simply across the hall. If we're all sitting in our rooms doing nothing but shedding tears and getting anger and having our hearts stirred, what good does that do? BE MOVED. literally, not figuratively.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
coffee, peanut butter, and Jesus.
Today, I spent a lot of time rereading notes for an upcoming spec mind (read "worldviews") exam and reading biographies about Lincoln Steffens for a history paper. Who is Lincoln Steffens, you ask? Apparently, not very many people have any idea who he is. Well, little blogging world, he was a muckraker. A journalist that...raked muck. If you ever feel so inclined to learn more about him, read his autobiography. It is far more interesting and entertaining than anything anyone else had to say about his life.
In between readings, probably quite a few more in betweens than necessary, I not only read weird, random articles on yahoo.com (facebook banning does strange things to a person), but also drank lots of coffee, made healthy pb muffins and homemade pb, and spent some very much-needed time with my Jesus.
Just so you know, Ugandan Gold Cinnamon Sticky Bun coffee = FANTASTIC iced coffee. seriously. add a little bit of raw sugar, some skim milk, and ice cubes and es muy delicioso! Also, I am very thankful for a healthy homemaker sister-in-law who constantly supplies me with yummy, yet good for you, recipes. I should find the time to try more of them.
Anyway, as wonderful as really good coffee and a warm pb muffin are, Jesus is so much better. Believe me, I know. This week has kind of sucked spiritually. I'd like to say that I don't know why, but that would be a lie. I wasn't very intentional in my relationship with Christ and it showed. I felt so far away from God...our usual intimate relationship was distant and forced. Last night, I was wondering why on earth I felt a little depressed and anti-social and stressed out all week. I just wanted to forget the world. And then God hit me over the head with the fact that I was ignoring Him. I pushed Him away and chose to follow my own way instead. For some idiotic reason, I thought my way was better and that it would be easier and more satisfying.
Boy, was I wrong. I have a tendency to be really close to God when my earthly life sucks. But when things are going pretty well, I push Him out of the picture and subconsciously tell him I've got it on my own. I imagine He sits back and says "We'll see about that." Even if I can handle life on my own when things are going well, why on earth do I ever want to?!?! Good things are...well, less good. Life appears to suck and have no meaning. Little things upset me and I have no motivation for anything. It all seems rather pointless.
So, today I realized that I can't keep doing this on my own. Even when things are going well, I don't want to do this without Him. He makes everything so much better. Brings so much joy and meaning to life. Plus, He wants nothing more than to be a part of every aspect of my life, every little action and every passing thought. He desires ME. He wants ME. And I push Him away. How much that must hurt our Daddy! He loves us wholly and completely, yet we push him away constantly. I hate knowing that I resist and reject His love. I turn from Him and act like I know so much more than He does. I want control of my life, so I reject His deep love for me.
I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Him. I don't deserve a God that will never give up on me, that will forever keep drawing me to Him and always pursue me and seek me out. I don't deserve it at all. Yet, He still does it. My God still comes after me and still loves me more than I could ever comprehend. What an amazing, incredible thought. There is a perfect, powerful God who loves me more than anything else and who wants an intimate relationship with me. little unworthy me. and you. but you know what the greatest part is? In His mind, we are deserving. How crazy is that?! In His mind, I am deserving of His love and of forever communion with Him. When God looks at me, He doesn't see the scarred, broken, and blemished person that I am. No, He sees the blood of Christ covering over all of that. He sees a beautiful daughter and a deserving bride that He longs to spend forever and always with. What a joyous thought! If that doesn't excite you and make you want to jump up and down and shout from the mountaintops I don't know what will!
So, tomorrow morning before the sun and the rest of your house are up, grab a cup of delicious coffee and your Bible. maybe a journal. And just be with God. Rest in the knowledge of who the Lord is and who You are in Him. Be reminded of how much He loves and desires you. And love Him back. He wants your love. all of it.
Note: Something I thought of last night as I went to bed...warning: if you're like me and lost your intimacy with Christ for a few days, a week, months, or years, coming back is going to be HARD. making yourself be broken and vulnerable before God is not exactly a fun thing. it's messy. but, in the end, it is, without a doubt, worth every single tear and every difficult moment of giving up control.
In between readings, probably quite a few more in betweens than necessary, I not only read weird, random articles on yahoo.com (facebook banning does strange things to a person), but also drank lots of coffee, made healthy pb muffins and homemade pb, and spent some very much-needed time with my Jesus.
Just so you know, Ugandan Gold Cinnamon Sticky Bun coffee = FANTASTIC iced coffee. seriously. add a little bit of raw sugar, some skim milk, and ice cubes and es muy delicioso! Also, I am very thankful for a healthy homemaker sister-in-law who constantly supplies me with yummy, yet good for you, recipes. I should find the time to try more of them.
Anyway, as wonderful as really good coffee and a warm pb muffin are, Jesus is so much better. Believe me, I know. This week has kind of sucked spiritually. I'd like to say that I don't know why, but that would be a lie. I wasn't very intentional in my relationship with Christ and it showed. I felt so far away from God...our usual intimate relationship was distant and forced. Last night, I was wondering why on earth I felt a little depressed and anti-social and stressed out all week. I just wanted to forget the world. And then God hit me over the head with the fact that I was ignoring Him. I pushed Him away and chose to follow my own way instead. For some idiotic reason, I thought my way was better and that it would be easier and more satisfying.
Boy, was I wrong. I have a tendency to be really close to God when my earthly life sucks. But when things are going pretty well, I push Him out of the picture and subconsciously tell him I've got it on my own. I imagine He sits back and says "We'll see about that." Even if I can handle life on my own when things are going well, why on earth do I ever want to?!?! Good things are...well, less good. Life appears to suck and have no meaning. Little things upset me and I have no motivation for anything. It all seems rather pointless.
So, today I realized that I can't keep doing this on my own. Even when things are going well, I don't want to do this without Him. He makes everything so much better. Brings so much joy and meaning to life. Plus, He wants nothing more than to be a part of every aspect of my life, every little action and every passing thought. He desires ME. He wants ME. And I push Him away. How much that must hurt our Daddy! He loves us wholly and completely, yet we push him away constantly. I hate knowing that I resist and reject His love. I turn from Him and act like I know so much more than He does. I want control of my life, so I reject His deep love for me.
I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Him. I don't deserve a God that will never give up on me, that will forever keep drawing me to Him and always pursue me and seek me out. I don't deserve it at all. Yet, He still does it. My God still comes after me and still loves me more than I could ever comprehend. What an amazing, incredible thought. There is a perfect, powerful God who loves me more than anything else and who wants an intimate relationship with me. little unworthy me. and you. but you know what the greatest part is? In His mind, we are deserving. How crazy is that?! In His mind, I am deserving of His love and of forever communion with Him. When God looks at me, He doesn't see the scarred, broken, and blemished person that I am. No, He sees the blood of Christ covering over all of that. He sees a beautiful daughter and a deserving bride that He longs to spend forever and always with. What a joyous thought! If that doesn't excite you and make you want to jump up and down and shout from the mountaintops I don't know what will!
So, tomorrow morning before the sun and the rest of your house are up, grab a cup of delicious coffee and your Bible. maybe a journal. And just be with God. Rest in the knowledge of who the Lord is and who You are in Him. Be reminded of how much He loves and desires you. And love Him back. He wants your love. all of it.
Note: Something I thought of last night as I went to bed...warning: if you're like me and lost your intimacy with Christ for a few days, a week, months, or years, coming back is going to be HARD. making yourself be broken and vulnerable before God is not exactly a fun thing. it's messy. but, in the end, it is, without a doubt, worth every single tear and every difficult moment of giving up control.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
feed My sheep
Today, O-Cham (one of my great nicknames for Oswald Chambers, author of My Utmost for His Highest) talked about how Jesus calls us to "Feed My sheep." (John 21:17) This really was something I needed to be reminded of right now. In a very uncharacteristically Katy-way, I'm going to actually share with you guys part of what I wrote in my prayer journal today. Normally, that is something that is really personal and completely between just me and God. But, it will really show you my heart and what's on my mind right now. So, here goes nothing.
"I just read what O-Cham had to say for today. "Feed My sheep." Not "Talk about how much you love Me." Not "Talk about the great things you've been learning." No. "Feed My sheep." Lord, give me a heart that longs to feed Your sheep! Break my heart. Break it so much that I act. I don't want to just talk and feel. I want ACTION. I want to feed Your sheep. Help me not only love, but also act on that love and feed them. Show me how. Reveal Your plan to me. Show me what You want me to do. In the BIG. In the seemingly small. Lead me. And help me draw them closer to You."
This is my heart's cry right now. I want to feed His sheep. Not for my glory. Not so that I can tell all of you and everyone else what a great person I am because I've done all of these wonderful things. No. I want to feed His sheep so that He will be glorified. Now, if only I can learn to trust God so much that I actually do this. If only I can learn to follow God completely so that this can stop being the cry of my heart and become my everyday life...
Friday, February 25, 2011
blogging = FREE STUFF
Today, I learned a new wonderful thing about blogging. Beautiful things for FREE! :)
Danielle, who blogs over at take heart, had a giveaway. and I won a beautiful little print from the etsy shop in His grace. WOOHOOOOO! :) Special thanks to the most amazing sister-in-law EVER for sharing something from Danielle's blog a few weeks ago! Megan, I love you mucho. and I still would even if I didn't win lovely little things because of you. :)
So, yes. Today is a cause for celebration. blogging = great for very poor college students!
Side note: I'M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY TOMORROW! and I'm just a little bit excited about that. I'm also going to see my first ever broadway show. yippeeee!
Second side note: the dreads are gone. that's right, my three beautiful little dreads are no more. :( I miss them already. Here is a picture of me at midnight last night. right before I said adios amigos. (the deer in the headlights look is really sweet, I know. I blame it on my distress.)
Danielle, who blogs over at take heart, had a giveaway. and I won a beautiful little print from the etsy shop in His grace. WOOHOOOOO! :) Special thanks to the most amazing sister-in-law EVER for sharing something from Danielle's blog a few weeks ago! Megan, I love you mucho. and I still would even if I didn't win lovely little things because of you. :)
So, yes. Today is a cause for celebration. blogging = great for very poor college students!
Side note: I'M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY TOMORROW! and I'm just a little bit excited about that. I'm also going to see my first ever broadway show. yippeeee!
Second side note: the dreads are gone. that's right, my three beautiful little dreads are no more. :( I miss them already. Here is a picture of me at midnight last night. right before I said adios amigos. (the deer in the headlights look is really sweet, I know. I blame it on my distress.)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
confession time
This is a random random post. I am often a very random person.
Confession: I am a ridiculously emotional person. I was reminded of this ten minutes ago.
Exhibit A: My roommate is watching some criminal show on tv as I am on my computer, looking at fun diy crafts and pretending that I'm actually going to do them (yeah right). I'm barely paying any attention to the tv show. I know the basic premise, but am so not involved in the show. Until the end.
Enter little boy. His daddy is the criminal...aka serial killer. His daddy didn't know he had a son (named after him, no less). Criminal man puts down the little flame thingy that he was about to use to kill his son's grandparents and gets down on eye level with his son. Little boy puts his hand up to his daddy's extremely scarred face. Then daddy is put in the cop car and little boy presses his hands to the window.
...and now Katy has an abundance of tears streaming down her face.
Seriously. Why am I such a crybaby? Ask any of my friends or family, I cry ALL THE TIME. If I'm really happy, I'm one of those annoying girls that gets all gushy and cries. If I'm sad...I cry. If I'm really angry, out come the tears. And if children are ever involved in just about anything? yeah, grab the entire box of tissues.
I just remembered that a couple days ago I cried in the kitchen as my other roommate was watching some cop show and there were kids that had to go to a state home.
I guess I cry because I love. does that even make any sense? I love people. a lot. so they make me emotional. makes sense to me.
Moral of this blog post: I am incredibly emotional. and apparently my roommates really like crime/cop shows. weird.
Confession: I am a ridiculously emotional person. I was reminded of this ten minutes ago.
Exhibit A: My roommate is watching some criminal show on tv as I am on my computer, looking at fun diy crafts and pretending that I'm actually going to do them (yeah right). I'm barely paying any attention to the tv show. I know the basic premise, but am so not involved in the show. Until the end.
Enter little boy. His daddy is the criminal...aka serial killer. His daddy didn't know he had a son (named after him, no less). Criminal man puts down the little flame thingy that he was about to use to kill his son's grandparents and gets down on eye level with his son. Little boy puts his hand up to his daddy's extremely scarred face. Then daddy is put in the cop car and little boy presses his hands to the window.
...and now Katy has an abundance of tears streaming down her face.
Seriously. Why am I such a crybaby? Ask any of my friends or family, I cry ALL THE TIME. If I'm really happy, I'm one of those annoying girls that gets all gushy and cries. If I'm sad...I cry. If I'm really angry, out come the tears. And if children are ever involved in just about anything? yeah, grab the entire box of tissues.
I just remembered that a couple days ago I cried in the kitchen as my other roommate was watching some cop show and there were kids that had to go to a state home.
I guess I cry because I love. does that even make any sense? I love people. a lot. so they make me emotional. makes sense to me.
Moral of this blog post: I am incredibly emotional. and apparently my roommates really like crime/cop shows. weird.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Random Things I love
Today has been a really relaxing, wonderful day. Here is a list of random things that I love, am thankful for, and enjoyed today. :)
1. glitter glue
2. foam cut-outs
3. encouraging notes...both giving and receiving! :)
4. raspberry black tea with demerara sugar and milk
5. Anne of Green Gables -- the movie
6. clean laundry
7. making fun new things out of old t-shirts. today = scarf and bracelet
8. my wonderful roommate, Elizabeth, who makes us all yummy bread and sews on my buttons
9. My Utmost for His Highest
10. Jesus time
11. sweatpants
12. healthy Chinese food made by Laura
13. sleeping in late
14. the warm and cozy afghan my Mommy made me
15. pillows
16. Hosea 2
17. comfy slippers
18. a peaceful apartment
19. dancing around to Israel Houghton blasting out of my computer
20. a clean room
21. ibuprofen
22. being able to control our own thermostat...aka HEAT.
Okay, that's enough for now. I think I need to do this more often. Weekly thankful lists. :)
1. glitter glue
2. foam cut-outs
3. encouraging notes...both giving and receiving! :)
4. raspberry black tea with demerara sugar and milk
5. Anne of Green Gables -- the movie
6. clean laundry
7. making fun new things out of old t-shirts. today = scarf and bracelet
8. my wonderful roommate, Elizabeth, who makes us all yummy bread and sews on my buttons
9. My Utmost for His Highest
10. Jesus time
11. sweatpants
12. healthy Chinese food made by Laura
13. sleeping in late
14. the warm and cozy afghan my Mommy made me
15. pillows
16. Hosea 2
17. comfy slippers
18. a peaceful apartment
19. dancing around to Israel Houghton blasting out of my computer
20. a clean room
21. ibuprofen
22. being able to control our own thermostat...aka HEAT.
Okay, that's enough for now. I think I need to do this more often. Weekly thankful lists. :)
Friday, January 28, 2011
What would you do?
If you were free to do anything you liked – and all resources were available – what would you wish to do most?That is a question on an application for a summer discipleship program I'm considering. I haven't started the application yet, but I have thought quite a bit about that question.
To find the answer, go to this blog. As I just read that post, I realized that is what I would wish to do most. Can you imagine having an entire village call you Mommy (or Daddy)? Wow. A couple of my campers this summer often tried to call me Mommy even though I would tell them they needed to call me Ms. Katy. One made me a little card that says "Miss Mom" and "Miss Mommy" all over it. Another clung to me and said, "Ms. Katy, wouldn't it be nice if we could be together forever? I could go to college with you and you can adopt me and be my Mommy forever. Can you do that? You could be my Mommy forever." Yes, Jada, I would absolutely LOVE to do that. I would love to be your Mommy forever and ever. I would love to show you the way a Mommy should love her daughter. I wish that I could go down to Pittsburgh right now and bring you back to my apartment and I'd be your mommy forever. Sadly, I can't. Jada has a family. Not a good one, but legally, she has one. And I don't have the money to adopt her. But if I were free to do anything I liked and had all of the resources necessary, nothing could stop me from skipping my next class and driving down to Pittsburgh right now and getting that beautiful little girl. What would you do? Seriously, what would you do? I want to know. :)
Here's a picture of my Jadaboo and me right after she asked me to be her Mommy. Thankfully, I was wearing sunglasses, so she couldn't see the tears...
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