"We've survived so much together. We'll survive this one together...
Life with You only gets better. It's like a fine wine -- aged with time.
There will be many, many sunny days!"
Just some pieces of last night's spontaneous worship.
I sat on the edge of a chair, singing what feels like has been the song of my heart for a while now, tears threatening to cascade down my face...which they eventually did.
You see, I used to think that the abundant life was an easy one. I thought that if I really was following Jesus, if I just loved Him enough, I would soar through every day completely carefree because my life was pure bliss, the easiest thing in the world.
How wrong I was.
Instead, I've found that the more I fall in love with Jesus, the more I follow Him, the more difficult my life becomes. Oh, there are days of blissful soaring. There are many, many sunny days! So many.
But, there are the storms. There is the rain, the hail, the hurricanes. Sometimes, I can't help but think that life was quite a bit easier before I really loved Him...Satan didn't care about me nearly so much. Now, it's like a constant battle for my soul, for my heart.
I'm not in the middle of a season of sunny days. No, I'm in the middle of a constant, raging war. There are times that I can see that we are winning, Jesus and I. There are also times that I find myself on my knees wondering how on earth He's going to turn this one around, what He could possibly have planned.
A friend just stopped to give a hug and ask how I am. I never seem to know how to answer that question anymore. Good feels like a lie. Bad feels like a lie. Life is good...but hard. That's my most common answer right now...though even that feels like a half-truth, like it's barely scratching the surface. But, any more than that and I'm either dying in laughter or about to collapse in my tears.
That's probably the most accurate answer to how I am...I'm often collapsing in joy and laughter with Jesus. And I'm also often collapsing in tears and questions that are cried out to my Lord. And then, there are the moments when I feel like doing both at the same time. Like right now. Friends come over to give hugs and offer words of love...and I truly don't know if that makes me feel like laughing or weeping.
Oh, my heart. It is such a fickle little thing. All I know is that no matter what I feel at the moment, we will survive this together. Jesus and me. We've survived so much together and we will survive this one together. There WILL be many, many sunny days...even in the midst of the rain.
"I love You, Oh Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
In my distress, I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From His temple, He heard my voice;
my cry came before Him, into His ears.
He parted the heavens and came down;...
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place,
He rescued me because He delighted in me."
-- Psalm 18:1-3, 6, 9a, 16-19
Side Note: I would just like to say how thankful I am for the community I have. While writing this note, three people have stopped by to give me hugs and words of real love and encouragement, and I received a text reminding me that Jesus delights in me. Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with such love.
