it's been a while. oops. life has been rather busy and just...crazy. hence, no blog posts. oh well.
biggest thing I've been learning lately -- TRUST. oi vey. it is hard hard hard. I was having tea with my mom earlier today and just chatting about having no idea what I'm doing with my life, etc. I mentioned that at times like these I wonder if this life wouldn't be a whole lot easier if I wasn't a Christian. I mean, I could do whatever I wanted. Just pick a goal. pick a job. pick a summer ministry. pick a major. and go with it. no prayer. no wondering if it's God's plan. no waiting to hear from God. no seeking after Him. no worrying about logistics and plans and what ifs.
but then I remember, life might be easier in the short-term. yeah, it might be easier to just choose something based on my own emotions and feelings and run with it. but, in reality, do I want that? do I want what is easy in the here and now? no. no, I don't. I want what God wants. I want to be wholly dependent on Him. it's scary. it means giving up complete control. yikes. that's tough stuff right there. in my own humanness, it's a whole lot easier to hold on to the reigns and decide what my life is going to look like.
except His way is so much more beautiful. truly truly. depending on Him in every moment and being okay with not knowing what is coming up next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow. it is without a doubt frightening at times, but oh! it is so beautiful.
take Easter break as an example. Saturday morning, an hour after I had to be out of my apartment, I was hanging out in the student union with all of my stuff...and no idea where I was sleeping that night. I knew I was staying in Grove City for a couple days for prayer/worship/service/something? that was about it. I was definitely tempted to freak out and worry about plans...and I won't lie and say that there weren't times that I did. because there definitely were. but, you know what? I didn't need to. He knew. God knew exactly what was going to happen. and let me tell you, the moments with Him, with His children those few days of break? so beautiful.
so, now I trust Him. I trust that He's got it all figured out. I trust that He knows all of the logistics for this summer. I trust that He knows what job He wants me to have after I graduate...and that He can get me that job as a sociology major instead of an education major. I trust that He will provide because He truly is my Jehovah-Jireh. My Lord who provides. I trust that freaking out and worrying will not do me any good. I trust that He is God and that He is good {to me}. He's got it all under control and it's time to let it go. He knows and that needs to be enough.
It's time to trust.
"Cease striving and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
