Resting, rekindling, and reworking

I've been on fall break since Wednesday afternoon.  and oh boy, has it been lovely! :)

There were a lot of options of things to do and places to go over fall break...I decided that I needed rest, time with Jesus, and time with my duplex family.  So, I stayed at the duplex where I spent my "summer in the Grove."  We did go to Columbus for most of Friday and Saturday...but even that was restful and delightful! :)

I knew that I needed this break.  Life was starting to really overwhelm me and I felt kind of lost and trapped.  In the last few weeks, I've kind of lost myself and who I became.  I felt myself slipping back to the person I was before this summer.  Was that a horrible person?  No, not technically.  But it certainly is a person not living the abundant life Jesus promised me.

My first morning here, I joined everyone for AOX team prayer.  At the end, Brad prayed and prophesied over me.  God gave him a picture of me at the top of a slanted roof.  But, instead of slipping down the roof, the sides came up to meet my feet until it was a flat roof.  Then the roof turned into a rock and it just kept getting higher and higher and higher.  This summer, there were so many times of feeling like I was fighting to keep up and climb higher...Looking back now, it was like I was on a steep roof, and wondering if every step I took was making me slide down or climb higher.  By the end of the summer, I felt like I was at the top, unsure of where to go next.  In the last few weeks, it's been like my feet have slowly started to drift apart, making me start to slip so gradually I was unaware.

The next part is so beautiful.  This weekend, Jesus reminded me that I don't have to fight to balance on the peak of the roof.  Instead, I just need to rest in Him, rejoice with Him, love on Him, live with Him, and He will make the roof rise up to meet me...and then He will take me higher.

This weekend, the roof rose up to meet me.  It's not 100% flat...but it is oh so close.  And Jesus has been talking to me about how to rework my life so that I let Him make it flat.

This, this life of letting Papa do His work and Jesus simply love me, is simply beautiful.  It is full of peace, rest, tears, pain, hope, joy, laughter, and the deepest love ever imaginable.

I challenge you this week to let Jesus teach you how to rest in Him and simply be loved on by Him.  Some of my sweetest times are when I put down my Bible and journal, turn down the worship music, and just listen to Jesus speaking love over me.  Really listen.

Freed Bird Song

So, Jesus and I kind sorta just wrote a song together as I was praying and trying to go to sleep.  Weird.  for me, anyways.

Here are the lyrics at the moment.  *insert CLAM TIME* [also known as SUPER vulnerability]

p.s. I think the caged bird thingy came from being in the duplex right now...where Courtney and Teresa were always talking of such things :)  ...and definitely feeling this way right now.

Caged bird sing;

Oooh your caged bird song.

Let love flow beneath your wings.

Caged bird fly;

Oooh caged bird fly.

Your heart was made to glide.

Little birdy rest in my arms

Little birdy make Me your home.

I made you.  I love you. 

I sought you.  I paid for you. 

I call you my own.  I never let you go.

So little birdy come to me.  Come to my arms

Little birdy sing your song.

It was made to be shared. 

This life that you're leading now,

I have a better plan.

So come and follow me today,

It's time now to go.

Little birdy don't be scared.

Get out of that cage.

Come along, your wings aren't clipped.

It's time to go higher than you ever imagined.

It's time to go farther than you thought could be.

Let My love carry you there

Let My heart set you free.

Freed bird sing.

Oooh your freed bird song.

Freed bird fly.

Your heart was made to glide.

Jesus finds me worthy of His love.

I've been singing "Unashamed Love" all day long.

Jesus is worthy of my love.  He is beyond worthy of it, actually.  He's worthy of every ounce of love I have to offer.  He's worth it all.  

Best part?  He thinks that I am worthy of His love. 

WHOA.

I can't help but cry at that.  Jesus considers me worthy to be His bride!

wow wow wow wow wow.

First, listen to Unashamed Love:

Now, listen to this song that my friend Hannah just shared with me.  Yes, it's from a man to his wife.  BUT, as Hannah put it "I also feel like it's just Jesus singing over us."  So true.  Jesus sings songs like this to us, the church, His bride, all the time.  We don't always hear it, but I have no doubt that He's doing it.  So, now listen to this song.  To: You.  From: Jesus, the Ultimate Lover.

the importance of rest and family

Papa has been tugging at my heart recently.  More than tugging -- pulling, grabbing, stretching.  He keeps telling me "Rest, Katy.  You need real rest.  You need to get away and spend time ALONE with Me. You need to just be with Me and be focused solely on Me.  You need to be in My word more.  You need to listen to what I have to say to you, for you."  But, I've been struggling with going back to slight "Grover" tendencies.  The idea of business being a good thing.  And even when recognizing that it is not, still remaining busy.  I'm learning that I need to fight for alone time.  I need to fight for long stretches of time with my Jesus when no one else is around.  It is so important to me.  It makes me a completely different person.  

And I have not been fighting for it.  Oh yes, occasionally, I have been.  But daily?  Definitely not.  And I feel it.

This summer, I had it.  Sometimes I had to fight for it...I had to make myself get out of bed early to go get on that porch and be alone with Jesus.  I didn't always want to...but as soon as I got out of bed, I did.  I miss my times on the porch.  I went there Sunday after church and read a Bill Johnson book.  It was wonderful.  I missed my special spot with Jesus...more than I even realized.  I now have a little area next to my desk with pillows and blankets.  It is going to be my new Jesus spot.  I think it needs Christmas lights. :)  Today, I spent over an hour there with Him.  I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't started, but this is so much more important.  I just soaked.  I read His word.  I journaled.  I listened as Jesus spoke love over me.  It was wonderful.  I'm about to cry just thinking about how much I missed it and longed for it.  It's time to establish a new rhythm of life.

Papa has also been talking to me a bit about family.  Spiritual family -- both the one developing in Grove City and the one that I already have.  I haven't been as good about keeping in touch with all of my family from this summer as I had planned.  Yesterday, I had meal dates with two grovers that I know Papa brought into my life for a reason this year, yet I haven't been reaching out in those relationships as much as I should.  Today, I had two brief conversations with my family.  I realized that I hadn't talked to Bear since he left at the end of August.  I hadn't really talked to Courtney in a few weeks.  I know that I need to do a better job of being intentional.  Yet, today also showed me that family is always family.  Even if we don't talk for a month, we still love each other and know that we're still connected through prayer and the Holy Spirit.  Family is important and I need to make it more of a priority.

So, I have two challenges for you today.  Go rest in Jesus.  just stop what you're doing and go.  Schoolwork is important, but He is even more so.  He's just waiting for you to be with Him.

Then, go and be intentional with someone.  Even if it's just a 30 minute conversation on the phone.  Make time for people.  Make time for a conversation that goes past the shallow.  Share life with people that you used to share life with.  And then share life with people who you haven't before but know that Holy Spirit Friend is telling you to.  I'm pretty sure we all have people like that...people He keeps nudging us towards, yet we ignore it.  Stop ignoring it...go make them your family. :)

Unable to put it into words.

I realized I haven't blogged in months.  This is not for lack of Jesus working in my life.  In fact, it's actually because of the amount He has been working on my heart.  I feel like I'm a different person than the girl who wrote these previous posts.  I still have a lot of the same convictions, the same passions.  It's just all grown.  My love story with Jesus grew more than I even knew if ever could.  This summer, I learned so much about so many different things that I don't even know what to say when people ask.  My life changed.  My view on life changed.  My views on church, the Church, the Holy Spirit, people in general, brokenness, spiritual family, community, baptism, communion, worship, evangelism, ministry, my future, my present.  all of it.  It's all changed a little bit...or a lot.  But, I figured it's time to start sharing what Jesus did in my heart.

And now I have no idea what to say.  I guess I'll try again another day.  Instead, I'll leave you with the song that is currently playing on my computer.  It's beautiful.  Really, all music by the one and only Jasmine Tate is beautiful.  I lived with her in Grove City most of the summer. And let me tell you, it was awesome.  She is an incredible woman of God and I am honored to call her a very dear sister.

my love offering

One of the things I am learning about this summer and challenging myself in is creativity for God.  He loves creativity.  In the form of words, music, photography, paintings, dance, however you choose to express Your love for Him.  I often shy away from creativity because I am too self-conscious and too much of a perfectionist.  Yet, in reality, it doesn't matter if what I create for Him is beautiful to others.  It is to show my love and worship to my God.  But, at the same time, I need to be willing to share with others.  Share what I create for Him because it just might help others see and experience His immense love.  That is something else I am learning, being vulnerable in front of others so that He can be given glory.  So, here is a poem that I just wrote for my Daddy (note: I have never written a poem that wasn't a class assignment, so it doesn't follow any sort of poetic form or anything like that.) and a picture of a little bit of cheer that I put in our kitchen as an act of worship.  Yes, it is for us to enjoy, but mostly, for my Father to take delight in.  It is also to serve as a reminder of His love for us and our love for Him.


My love offering


The blades of grass
blowing gently in the breeze,
the many birds overhead
singing melodies
and harmonies.
tweeting.  cawing.
bringing Your love to me.
This is Your gift
of love for us.
You say, "Enjoy."
You say, "Delight."
The beauty around,
so great and pure.
This is for me.

I give it back.
I make a bouquet
of leaves.
My love offering
to You.
Place them in a
jar filled with water.
My love offering
to You.

But it doesn't compare
to what You have given me.

Mine -- three jars of leaves.
Yours -- flowers, grass, trees,
Eternity.

Your gift is greater,
but here is mine.
My love for You.
I say, "Enjoy."
I say, "Delight."
My love offering
to You.

contemplating theology on church.

Note: this was written in about 15 minutes and wasn't well thought out.  I don't have time to reread and edit now.  So, enjoy the complete flow of thoughts from me.

I have been back in the beautiful Grove City, PA since Saturday evening.  I really do love this town.  It would be easier to list all the complaints and problems with a town as small as Grove City, but in reality, I love it.  I love it's quirks and randomness.  I love how little it is.  I love being back here.  For now, this is my home.  This is where I am most me.

But, this week, it is also where I am confused and growing.  I am spending my time living in a duplex with other college students from the greater PA/OH area (and Arizona.  random?  no.  God.) and just learning more about community through Antioch Overflow Experiment.

The thing is, part of AOX is simple church.  Wikipedia basically says the simple church movement claims to be "a Christ-centered community established primarily on relationship both to God and to the other members of the group."

Growing up as a pastor's kid in a traditional church setting, this has given me quite a bit to think about.  First of all, the traditional kind of American church on Sunday mornings is seen as possibly beneficial, but not necessary and not what is the layout of the church in the Bible. Instead, it's about church as a community.  Think Acts 2 when it talks about all the church does in their homes.  This is pretty much what simple church does.  We worship together (awesome, true, free worship), eat together, pray together, play together...

I love this.  I love simple church and 100% believe that this is the kind of community and church that God wants all Christians to be a part of.  But, I still think back on my roots.  A part of me says "yes, the kind of church we have on Sundays is beneficial, but not necessary."  I want to believe that.  But, a part of me holds back.  A part wants to cry out "NO!  I love the traditional American church!  It has to be the right way of doing things!  You have to go to church every Sunday!"

But, then I wonder.  Is that what Christ would have cried out?  I don't know.  I contemplate that.  I guess my greatest struggle right now is that the more I read and study, the more my heart is torn.  The more I study the Bible about this and pray about it, the more I long for a simple church, a church truly modeled after Acts 2.  Yet, the more I love the people in the traditional American church and their hearts in it.  My heart is torn and I don't know what direction to go.  I don't know what to believe theologically about it all.

I've reached a place where I can't turn back.  I can't just go back to the traditional American church and act like I haven't been a part of something different, something I believe is more Scriptural and more driven by the Holy Spirit and less driven by and order of service and religiosity.  Yet, I can't just run ahead and leave behind my church in New Wilmington or my dad's church in Massachusetts.  

Right now, I'm going to try to continue to be a part of a simple church, but I'm not giving up on the traditional American church.  I do believe that there is immense value there.  I do believe that the Holy Spirit is there.  God is in the duplex and God is in my traditional church.  I am going to continue studying and praying about this.  I will let you know where it leads me.

If you guys have any thoughts on this, please tell me.  I want to know them.