my love offering

One of the things I am learning about this summer and challenging myself in is creativity for God.  He loves creativity.  In the form of words, music, photography, paintings, dance, however you choose to express Your love for Him.  I often shy away from creativity because I am too self-conscious and too much of a perfectionist.  Yet, in reality, it doesn't matter if what I create for Him is beautiful to others.  It is to show my love and worship to my God.  But, at the same time, I need to be willing to share with others.  Share what I create for Him because it just might help others see and experience His immense love.  That is something else I am learning, being vulnerable in front of others so that He can be given glory.  So, here is a poem that I just wrote for my Daddy (note: I have never written a poem that wasn't a class assignment, so it doesn't follow any sort of poetic form or anything like that.) and a picture of a little bit of cheer that I put in our kitchen as an act of worship.  Yes, it is for us to enjoy, but mostly, for my Father to take delight in.  It is also to serve as a reminder of His love for us and our love for Him.


My love offering


The blades of grass
blowing gently in the breeze,
the many birds overhead
singing melodies
and harmonies.
tweeting.  cawing.
bringing Your love to me.
This is Your gift
of love for us.
You say, "Enjoy."
You say, "Delight."
The beauty around,
so great and pure.
This is for me.

I give it back.
I make a bouquet
of leaves.
My love offering
to You.
Place them in a
jar filled with water.
My love offering
to You.

But it doesn't compare
to what You have given me.

Mine -- three jars of leaves.
Yours -- flowers, grass, trees,
Eternity.

Your gift is greater,
but here is mine.
My love for You.
I say, "Enjoy."
I say, "Delight."
My love offering
to You.

contemplating theology on church.

Note: this was written in about 15 minutes and wasn't well thought out.  I don't have time to reread and edit now.  So, enjoy the complete flow of thoughts from me.

I have been back in the beautiful Grove City, PA since Saturday evening.  I really do love this town.  It would be easier to list all the complaints and problems with a town as small as Grove City, but in reality, I love it.  I love it's quirks and randomness.  I love how little it is.  I love being back here.  For now, this is my home.  This is where I am most me.

But, this week, it is also where I am confused and growing.  I am spending my time living in a duplex with other college students from the greater PA/OH area (and Arizona.  random?  no.  God.) and just learning more about community through Antioch Overflow Experiment.

The thing is, part of AOX is simple church.  Wikipedia basically says the simple church movement claims to be "a Christ-centered community established primarily on relationship both to God and to the other members of the group."

Growing up as a pastor's kid in a traditional church setting, this has given me quite a bit to think about.  First of all, the traditional kind of American church on Sunday mornings is seen as possibly beneficial, but not necessary and not what is the layout of the church in the Bible. Instead, it's about church as a community.  Think Acts 2 when it talks about all the church does in their homes.  This is pretty much what simple church does.  We worship together (awesome, true, free worship), eat together, pray together, play together...

I love this.  I love simple church and 100% believe that this is the kind of community and church that God wants all Christians to be a part of.  But, I still think back on my roots.  A part of me says "yes, the kind of church we have on Sundays is beneficial, but not necessary."  I want to believe that.  But, a part of me holds back.  A part wants to cry out "NO!  I love the traditional American church!  It has to be the right way of doing things!  You have to go to church every Sunday!"

But, then I wonder.  Is that what Christ would have cried out?  I don't know.  I contemplate that.  I guess my greatest struggle right now is that the more I read and study, the more my heart is torn.  The more I study the Bible about this and pray about it, the more I long for a simple church, a church truly modeled after Acts 2.  Yet, the more I love the people in the traditional American church and their hearts in it.  My heart is torn and I don't know what direction to go.  I don't know what to believe theologically about it all.

I've reached a place where I can't turn back.  I can't just go back to the traditional American church and act like I haven't been a part of something different, something I believe is more Scriptural and more driven by the Holy Spirit and less driven by and order of service and religiosity.  Yet, I can't just run ahead and leave behind my church in New Wilmington or my dad's church in Massachusetts.  

Right now, I'm going to try to continue to be a part of a simple church, but I'm not giving up on the traditional American church.  I do believe that there is immense value there.  I do believe that the Holy Spirit is there.  God is in the duplex and God is in my traditional church.  I am going to continue studying and praying about this.  I will let you know where it leads me.

If you guys have any thoughts on this, please tell me.  I want to know them.

worthy of the gospel of Christ

post number two of the day. oh yes.  I realized that I told people I would frequently be updating this throughout the summer and realized I haven't been.  oops.  So, today you get all of my morning coffee and Jesus thoughts. :)

Today I started going through Philippians in my quiet time.  I kept getting stuck on Philippians 1:21-26.  That's where Paul talks about how to live is Christ and to die is gain.  verses 25 and 26 really hit me.  HARD.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.


I want that.  I want others to overflow with joy because they are with me.  I want to cause the people I am around to fall more deeply in love with Jesus.  I want the way I live my life make others want more and more of Christ.

The thing is, I'm not quite sure how to do that.  I need Him to teach me.  As I was journaling about this, I cried out to God with a simple "Lord, teach me!  Show me how to do this!"

and BAM. the very next verse tells me.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.


Yes, that's pretty abstract.  But Paul goes on to outline it a bit more throughout Philippians.  And in reality, I know whether or not the life I am living is truly worthy of the gospel of Christ.  When I am really paying attention to how I conduct myself, I know whether or not it is in a manner worthy of Him.  More frequently than I would like to admit, it is not.

My prayer today is that God will teach me, and you, how to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.  Then, we will draw others to Him.  Because we possess a joy in Jesus that is so great it overflows, it will spread.  The love of God and His fire will spread and it will not stop.  Join me in praying for that.

Your right hand will hold me fast.

Ann Voskamp (author of One Thousand Gifts...which I really need to read) blogged today about Psalm 139:9-10.  

If I rise on the wings of dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there Your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

How incredibly beautiful is that?  What a fantastic reminder of God's great and awesome love for us.  A reminder that no matter where I go, no matter how far from home I roam, God is there.  He is here.  He is guiding me.  His mighty right hand is holding me.

He is holding me.  The Lord of the universe is holding me.  Wow.  What a thought.  What a TRUTH.  As I go about my day, He is holding me.

And He longs to hold you.

Multiplying One

I just started a new blog to raise money for eXile International.  Please check it out and pray about giving.

Multiplying One Blog

time to trust.

it's been a while.  oops.  life has been rather busy and just...crazy.  hence, no blog posts.  oh well.

biggest thing I've been learning lately -- TRUST.  oi vey.  it is hard hard hard. I was having tea with my mom earlier today and just chatting about having no idea what I'm doing with my life, etc.  I mentioned that at times like these I wonder if this life wouldn't be a whole lot easier if I wasn't a Christian.  I mean, I could do whatever I wanted.  Just pick a goal.  pick a job.  pick a summer ministry.  pick a major.  and go with it.  no prayer.  no wondering if it's God's plan.  no waiting to hear from God.  no seeking after Him.  no worrying about logistics and plans and what ifs.

but then I remember, life might be easier in the short-term.  yeah, it might be easier to just choose something based on my own emotions and feelings and run with it.  but, in reality, do I want that?  do I want what is easy in the here and now? no.  no, I don't.  I want what God wants.  I want to be wholly dependent on Him.  it's scary.  it means giving up complete control. yikes.  that's tough stuff right there.  in my own humanness, it's a whole lot easier to hold on to the reigns and decide what my life is going to look like.

except His way is so much more beautiful.  truly truly.  depending on Him in every moment and being okay with not knowing what is coming up next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow.  it is without a doubt frightening at times, but oh!  it is so beautiful.

take Easter break as an example.  Saturday morning, an hour after I had to be out of my apartment, I was hanging out in the student union with all of my stuff...and no idea where I was sleeping that night.  I knew I was staying in Grove City for a couple days for prayer/worship/service/something?  that was about it.  I was definitely tempted to freak out and worry about plans...and I won't lie and say that there weren't times that I did.  because there definitely were.  but, you know what?  I didn't need to.  He knew.  God knew exactly what was going to happen.  and let me tell you, the moments with Him, with His children those few days of break?  so beautiful.  


so, now I trust Him.  I trust that He's got it all figured out.  I trust that He knows all of the logistics for this summer.  I trust that He knows what job He wants me to have after I graduate...and that He can get me that job as a sociology major instead of an education major.  I trust that He will provide because He truly is my Jehovah-Jireh.  My Lord who provides.  I trust that freaking out and worrying will not do me any good.  I trust that He is God and that He is good {to me}.  He's got it all under control and it's time to let it go.  He knows and that needs to be enough.

It's time to trust.

"Cease striving and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

humbled.

Ouch.

Asking God to humble you is a stupid thing to do.  It sucks.  I know that it will get better and that in the end, it will be so amazing, but right now it sucks.

What a reminder that our plans fail.  ALWAYS.
Thankfully, His don't.  EVER.  Daddy God, thanks for loving me and picking up the pieces.  Thanks for taking my yucky plans making them perfect.  But, I'll be honest.  If you could make this whole "humbling" process a bit less...well, humbling, that'd be nice.  If only I could just be humble without going through this.  That'd be great.  But then I wouldn't really be humble would I?

Hmmm.  I guess He really does know what's best.  Even when I hate the process and think it sucks.  Hopefully an update about how great the humbling process is later on will come...but, maybe that won't be discovered until Heaven.  who knows.

Proverbs 19:21