faithfulness, laughter, joy...a brief update.

I figured after my last post, I should probably give y'all a bit of an update so you're not too worried about me. :) haha

GOD IS AWESOME.  that about sums it up. 

seriously, guys.  Since I last posted, He's been slowly but surely re-romancing me and blowing me away with who He is.  He's been stripping me of my doubt and replacing it with trust in who He says He is and what He promises.  It's been slow and painful...but so amazing.  Yet again, I'm learning so much about accepting grace from both Him and others.  Have I been an asshole recently? Oh yes.  Yet, all of my friends and community love me deeply anyway.  and God has been giving me more mercy and grace than I'm even willing to accept right now. 

That's a big one at the moment...accepting the grace He gives me.  One of my dearest friends recently sent me what will be a blog post (*ahem*) about learning to walk in grace.  It was beautiful, amazing, and made me cry.  and makes me cry as I think about it.  I reject God's grace so often.  I refuse to accept it. I refuse to allow Him to give me grace.  WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!

I don't know.  But He's teaching me.  and I am learning to accept grace.  and it is absolutely wrecking me. Last night, I spent time weeping and laughing with the Lord. I haven't laughed like that with God in months.  And I missed it so much...I can't even describe.  Guys, if you've never laughed in worship...well, I bless you with Holy laughter.  It's truly one of the most beautiful things God has let me experience in worship and prayer and time with Him...to just be overtaken with laughter and joy that comes from Him alone...INCREDIBLE. It's kind of one of my favorite things...and believe me, it has NOT been happening lately.  So, to be so overcome by God's presence and incredible Love and Grace and Faithfulness...I was undone. I was a mess. I'm still a mess. I've been randomly laughing and almost crying today.  As I walk to class, as I sit in HAL...

I am undone before Him and it is so beautiful.  It's still a constant struggle.  Satan still attacks and tries to rip me of my hope and joy.  But he's losing right now and I like it that way!  

Now, everyone, go listen to this song.  And I pray that it blasts you even more than it's been blasting me.