the importance of rest and family

Papa has been tugging at my heart recently.  More than tugging -- pulling, grabbing, stretching.  He keeps telling me "Rest, Katy.  You need real rest.  You need to get away and spend time ALONE with Me. You need to just be with Me and be focused solely on Me.  You need to be in My word more.  You need to listen to what I have to say to you, for you."  But, I've been struggling with going back to slight "Grover" tendencies.  The idea of business being a good thing.  And even when recognizing that it is not, still remaining busy.  I'm learning that I need to fight for alone time.  I need to fight for long stretches of time with my Jesus when no one else is around.  It is so important to me.  It makes me a completely different person.  

And I have not been fighting for it.  Oh yes, occasionally, I have been.  But daily?  Definitely not.  And I feel it.

This summer, I had it.  Sometimes I had to fight for it...I had to make myself get out of bed early to go get on that porch and be alone with Jesus.  I didn't always want to...but as soon as I got out of bed, I did.  I miss my times on the porch.  I went there Sunday after church and read a Bill Johnson book.  It was wonderful.  I missed my special spot with Jesus...more than I even realized.  I now have a little area next to my desk with pillows and blankets.  It is going to be my new Jesus spot.  I think it needs Christmas lights. :)  Today, I spent over an hour there with Him.  I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't started, but this is so much more important.  I just soaked.  I read His word.  I journaled.  I listened as Jesus spoke love over me.  It was wonderful.  I'm about to cry just thinking about how much I missed it and longed for it.  It's time to establish a new rhythm of life.

Papa has also been talking to me a bit about family.  Spiritual family -- both the one developing in Grove City and the one that I already have.  I haven't been as good about keeping in touch with all of my family from this summer as I had planned.  Yesterday, I had meal dates with two grovers that I know Papa brought into my life for a reason this year, yet I haven't been reaching out in those relationships as much as I should.  Today, I had two brief conversations with my family.  I realized that I hadn't talked to Bear since he left at the end of August.  I hadn't really talked to Courtney in a few weeks.  I know that I need to do a better job of being intentional.  Yet, today also showed me that family is always family.  Even if we don't talk for a month, we still love each other and know that we're still connected through prayer and the Holy Spirit.  Family is important and I need to make it more of a priority.

So, I have two challenges for you today.  Go rest in Jesus.  just stop what you're doing and go.  Schoolwork is important, but He is even more so.  He's just waiting for you to be with Him.

Then, go and be intentional with someone.  Even if it's just a 30 minute conversation on the phone.  Make time for people.  Make time for a conversation that goes past the shallow.  Share life with people that you used to share life with.  And then share life with people who you haven't before but know that Holy Spirit Friend is telling you to.  I'm pretty sure we all have people like that...people He keeps nudging us towards, yet we ignore it.  Stop ignoring it...go make them your family. :)

Unable to put it into words.

I realized I haven't blogged in months.  This is not for lack of Jesus working in my life.  In fact, it's actually because of the amount He has been working on my heart.  I feel like I'm a different person than the girl who wrote these previous posts.  I still have a lot of the same convictions, the same passions.  It's just all grown.  My love story with Jesus grew more than I even knew if ever could.  This summer, I learned so much about so many different things that I don't even know what to say when people ask.  My life changed.  My view on life changed.  My views on church, the Church, the Holy Spirit, people in general, brokenness, spiritual family, community, baptism, communion, worship, evangelism, ministry, my future, my present.  all of it.  It's all changed a little bit...or a lot.  But, I figured it's time to start sharing what Jesus did in my heart.

And now I have no idea what to say.  I guess I'll try again another day.  Instead, I'll leave you with the song that is currently playing on my computer.  It's beautiful.  Really, all music by the one and only Jasmine Tate is beautiful.  I lived with her in Grove City most of the summer. And let me tell you, it was awesome.  She is an incredible woman of God and I am honored to call her a very dear sister.

my love offering

One of the things I am learning about this summer and challenging myself in is creativity for God.  He loves creativity.  In the form of words, music, photography, paintings, dance, however you choose to express Your love for Him.  I often shy away from creativity because I am too self-conscious and too much of a perfectionist.  Yet, in reality, it doesn't matter if what I create for Him is beautiful to others.  It is to show my love and worship to my God.  But, at the same time, I need to be willing to share with others.  Share what I create for Him because it just might help others see and experience His immense love.  That is something else I am learning, being vulnerable in front of others so that He can be given glory.  So, here is a poem that I just wrote for my Daddy (note: I have never written a poem that wasn't a class assignment, so it doesn't follow any sort of poetic form or anything like that.) and a picture of a little bit of cheer that I put in our kitchen as an act of worship.  Yes, it is for us to enjoy, but mostly, for my Father to take delight in.  It is also to serve as a reminder of His love for us and our love for Him.


My love offering


The blades of grass
blowing gently in the breeze,
the many birds overhead
singing melodies
and harmonies.
tweeting.  cawing.
bringing Your love to me.
This is Your gift
of love for us.
You say, "Enjoy."
You say, "Delight."
The beauty around,
so great and pure.
This is for me.

I give it back.
I make a bouquet
of leaves.
My love offering
to You.
Place them in a
jar filled with water.
My love offering
to You.

But it doesn't compare
to what You have given me.

Mine -- three jars of leaves.
Yours -- flowers, grass, trees,
Eternity.

Your gift is greater,
but here is mine.
My love for You.
I say, "Enjoy."
I say, "Delight."
My love offering
to You.

contemplating theology on church.

Note: this was written in about 15 minutes and wasn't well thought out.  I don't have time to reread and edit now.  So, enjoy the complete flow of thoughts from me.

I have been back in the beautiful Grove City, PA since Saturday evening.  I really do love this town.  It would be easier to list all the complaints and problems with a town as small as Grove City, but in reality, I love it.  I love it's quirks and randomness.  I love how little it is.  I love being back here.  For now, this is my home.  This is where I am most me.

But, this week, it is also where I am confused and growing.  I am spending my time living in a duplex with other college students from the greater PA/OH area (and Arizona.  random?  no.  God.) and just learning more about community through Antioch Overflow Experiment.

The thing is, part of AOX is simple church.  Wikipedia basically says the simple church movement claims to be "a Christ-centered community established primarily on relationship both to God and to the other members of the group."

Growing up as a pastor's kid in a traditional church setting, this has given me quite a bit to think about.  First of all, the traditional kind of American church on Sunday mornings is seen as possibly beneficial, but not necessary and not what is the layout of the church in the Bible. Instead, it's about church as a community.  Think Acts 2 when it talks about all the church does in their homes.  This is pretty much what simple church does.  We worship together (awesome, true, free worship), eat together, pray together, play together...

I love this.  I love simple church and 100% believe that this is the kind of community and church that God wants all Christians to be a part of.  But, I still think back on my roots.  A part of me says "yes, the kind of church we have on Sundays is beneficial, but not necessary."  I want to believe that.  But, a part of me holds back.  A part wants to cry out "NO!  I love the traditional American church!  It has to be the right way of doing things!  You have to go to church every Sunday!"

But, then I wonder.  Is that what Christ would have cried out?  I don't know.  I contemplate that.  I guess my greatest struggle right now is that the more I read and study, the more my heart is torn.  The more I study the Bible about this and pray about it, the more I long for a simple church, a church truly modeled after Acts 2.  Yet, the more I love the people in the traditional American church and their hearts in it.  My heart is torn and I don't know what direction to go.  I don't know what to believe theologically about it all.

I've reached a place where I can't turn back.  I can't just go back to the traditional American church and act like I haven't been a part of something different, something I believe is more Scriptural and more driven by the Holy Spirit and less driven by and order of service and religiosity.  Yet, I can't just run ahead and leave behind my church in New Wilmington or my dad's church in Massachusetts.  

Right now, I'm going to try to continue to be a part of a simple church, but I'm not giving up on the traditional American church.  I do believe that there is immense value there.  I do believe that the Holy Spirit is there.  God is in the duplex and God is in my traditional church.  I am going to continue studying and praying about this.  I will let you know where it leads me.

If you guys have any thoughts on this, please tell me.  I want to know them.

worthy of the gospel of Christ

post number two of the day. oh yes.  I realized that I told people I would frequently be updating this throughout the summer and realized I haven't been.  oops.  So, today you get all of my morning coffee and Jesus thoughts. :)

Today I started going through Philippians in my quiet time.  I kept getting stuck on Philippians 1:21-26.  That's where Paul talks about how to live is Christ and to die is gain.  verses 25 and 26 really hit me.  HARD.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.


I want that.  I want others to overflow with joy because they are with me.  I want to cause the people I am around to fall more deeply in love with Jesus.  I want the way I live my life make others want more and more of Christ.

The thing is, I'm not quite sure how to do that.  I need Him to teach me.  As I was journaling about this, I cried out to God with a simple "Lord, teach me!  Show me how to do this!"

and BAM. the very next verse tells me.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.


Yes, that's pretty abstract.  But Paul goes on to outline it a bit more throughout Philippians.  And in reality, I know whether or not the life I am living is truly worthy of the gospel of Christ.  When I am really paying attention to how I conduct myself, I know whether or not it is in a manner worthy of Him.  More frequently than I would like to admit, it is not.

My prayer today is that God will teach me, and you, how to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.  Then, we will draw others to Him.  Because we possess a joy in Jesus that is so great it overflows, it will spread.  The love of God and His fire will spread and it will not stop.  Join me in praying for that.

Your right hand will hold me fast.

Ann Voskamp (author of One Thousand Gifts...which I really need to read) blogged today about Psalm 139:9-10.  

If I rise on the wings of dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there Your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

How incredibly beautiful is that?  What a fantastic reminder of God's great and awesome love for us.  A reminder that no matter where I go, no matter how far from home I roam, God is there.  He is here.  He is guiding me.  His mighty right hand is holding me.

He is holding me.  The Lord of the universe is holding me.  Wow.  What a thought.  What a TRUTH.  As I go about my day, He is holding me.

And He longs to hold you.

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